SENSE OF SELF-ENTITLEMENT

With hitting my third trimester milestone yesterday, I decided it was about time to create a baby registry.  Needless to say, it wasn’t initially fun and exciting at first since I went on my OWN.  However, as I zapped along the aisles adding various items to my registry, I got a little carried away and fully threw myself into the spirit of things. I even entered a sweepstakes in which the winner receives everything in her baby registry up to $5,000!  As such, I hope my friends and family don’t think I expect everything in my registry.  This got me thinking, do we live in a society where there is an increasing sense of self-entitlement?

It seems that wherever you turn, in print, TV or the internet, both men and women always want to point the finger and blame others for their predicament rather than facing facts and taking OWNership of their accountabilities.  Being a single mom, I could easily sit here and have a pity party for myself for not providing a cohesive family unit for my child(ren).  Nevertheless, when my son and I sit home on a Friday evening and spend quality time together, I know I made the right decisions for us.  I am blessed to have a son who doesn’t get caught up with the expectations that he is owed more in life because he comes from a broken family.  He is happy and content with what he has been given and never comes across with a sense of entitlement.  He understands the true meaning and value in his relationships with friends and family and for that I am eternally grateful.  I just hope my daughter takes after her big brother because I know I learn every day from my son’s current outlook on life!  He constantly reminds me what is important in life…and sometimes it really is just the little things!

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NEARING THE FINISH LINE

Today is the first day of my third trimester!  Should I start panicking now that the finish line is near?  It’s been a very tough several months going through this pregnancy alone all the while being a single mom to my 12 year old son.  Thankfully I have friends and family who have helped but there are many days when I struggle with the loneliness and abandonment from my ex “CS”.  For the past few days, I have not wanted to talk to anyone and have just been keeping to myself.  This has allowed me to be introspective while still trying to makes sense out of everything.  I have been going through different waves of emotions ranging anywhere from anxiety, confidence, fear and guilt.

In addition to the emotional roller coaster, I am starting to feel the fatigue from the first trimester return.  I need to start exercising to prepare for labor and delivery but have no energy and motivation.  It also doesn’t help that the weather has been cold lately.  Wait!  I need to stop making excuses for myself and OWN up to my responsibilities and just be the best me I can be!!

THE GOLDEN RULE

Do you live by the Golden Rule?  As a parent, I try to teach my son to treat others how he would like to be treated.  He recently applied this principle when we came across an expensive electronic item left behind inside a shopping cart next to my car.

I was beaming with pride when he agreed that we should return the item to the store rather than keep it for ourselves.  Since times are tough right now, we easily could have exchanged or returned the item for store credit which would have helped with our holiday shopping budget.  However, in talking things over, my son understood that the right thing to do was to return the item to the store so that the person who purchased it had a better chance of getting it back.  To reward him for his honesty, I treated him to a yummy caramel frappuccino which put a smile on his face and made him happy…ah…the little things in life!  My son makes life as a single mom so easy with him being such a great kid!!

With the holiday season in full force, I wanted to share this story to remind others to live by the Golden Rule and OWN your integrity!

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

In keeping with yesterday’s theme that “everything happens for a reason”, I realized that my current circumstance is not nearly as hard and difficult as a mother losing her child especially to suicide.  This was put into perspective for me after watching Extreme Makeover : Home Edition featuring single mom, Sirdeaner Walker, whose 11 year son took his own life after being bullied at school.  Notwithstanding my increasing pregnancy hormones, I watched the entire episode through tears streaming down my face.  I can’t even begin to imagine the pain this mother and her family had to endure after finding Carl lifeless in the family home.

Instead of letting this heartbreak defeat her, Siredeaner Walker has dedicated her life to an anti-bullying movement in tribute to her son.  It is through sharing her tragedy that she has been able to spread the inspirational message to others about standing together against bullying.  It is not easy to see the reason behind Carl’s tragic death but unfortunately his story is not unique.  Bullying in our schools is fast becoming a nationwide epidemic.  This alarming awareness should gives us all pause to stop and OWN up to not only our actions but also our words.

PREGNANT and DITCHED

As a firm believer in the notion that “everything happens for a reason”, I am still trying to figure out why I have been blessed with this beautiful gift, albeit wrapped in so many layers of emotional complexities, at this time in my life.  To help me better understand the deeper meaning behind being pregnant at age 38, I have turned to putting my emotions and thoughts into a journal although friends and family kept telling me to blog about my experience to help other moms who also find themselves in the same or similar situation.  Only after reading many books and the comfort I gained from them was I able to finally muster up the courage to finally start my own blog.  Outside of my own personal pregnancy diary, I should have blogged about my journey early on and it seems somewhat unconventional and backwards to begin at this moment but as the saying goes, it is better late than never.  Besides, to date, I have not done anything conventional in my life so why start now.  So this is my initial post to my first ever blog…yikes…here goes!

To begin my story, I have to actually go back in time first but I won’t bore you with too many of the particulars (that is, unless you want to know).  I was with the father of my 2nd child, a daughter who I am expecting in March, for close to 3 years.  Shortly after we broke up, I found out I was pregnant.  For those of you familiar with celebrity gossip, think Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan.  I stopped hearing from my ex, who I will refer to as CS, shortly before I was 16 weeks.  It was heartbreaking to say the least and since that time, I have had many emotional meltdowns.  However, because I am already a mom to a 12 year old boy, I had to limit my setbacks to times when he wasn’t around to witness my pain.  Why pull him into my dramatic ordeal right?

Being a parent is very rewarding indeed but as most parents know, especially single parents, it is also quite challenging.  Besides I have had the unfortunate or fortunate, however you want to look at it, opportunity for introspection and reassess my value.  I had to ask myself two tough, rhetorical questions “who am I” and “what do I want to be when I grow up”.  After much self-reflection, I have been able to rediscover myself and regain my inner strength.  Yes I am a single mom but I OWN my worth.  Today I am 27 weeks pregnant and a week away from entering my third trimester.  I crave fig newtons and waffles.  Despite my fatigue returning and wanting to nap in the middle of the day, I feel great!  Maybe being ditched while pregnant was the best thing to happen to me…it allowed reality to kick my ass!