PREGNANT and DITCHED

As a firm believer in the notion that “everything happens for a reason”, I am still trying to figure out why I have been blessed with this beautiful gift, albeit wrapped in so many layers of emotional complexities, at this time in my life.  To help me better understand the deeper meaning behind being pregnant at age 38, I have turned to putting my emotions and thoughts into a journal although friends and family kept telling me to blog about my experience to help other moms who also find themselves in the same or similar situation.  Only after reading many books and the comfort I gained from them was I able to finally muster up the courage to finally start my own blog.  Outside of my own personal pregnancy diary, I should have blogged about my journey early on and it seems somewhat unconventional and backwards to begin at this moment but as the saying goes, it is better late than never.  Besides, to date, I have not done anything conventional in my life so why start now.  So this is my initial post to my first ever blog…yikes…here goes!

To begin my story, I have to actually go back in time first but I won’t bore you with too many of the particulars (that is, unless you want to know).  I was with the father of my 2nd child, a daughter who I am expecting in March, for close to 3 years.  Shortly after we broke up, I found out I was pregnant.  For those of you familiar with celebrity gossip, think Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan.  I stopped hearing from my ex, who I will refer to as CS, shortly before I was 16 weeks.  It was heartbreaking to say the least and since that time, I have had many emotional meltdowns.  However, because I am already a mom to a 12 year old boy, I had to limit my setbacks to times when he wasn’t around to witness my pain.  Why pull him into my dramatic ordeal right?

Being a parent is very rewarding indeed but as most parents know, especially single parents, it is also quite challenging.  Besides I have had the unfortunate or fortunate, however you want to look at it, opportunity for introspection and reassess my value.  I had to ask myself two tough, rhetorical questions “who am I” and “what do I want to be when I grow up”.  After much self-reflection, I have been able to rediscover myself and regain my inner strength.  Yes I am a single mom but I OWN my worth.  Today I am 27 weeks pregnant and a week away from entering my third trimester.  I crave fig newtons and waffles.  Despite my fatigue returning and wanting to nap in the middle of the day, I feel great!  Maybe being ditched while pregnant was the best thing to happen to me…it allowed reality to kick my ass!

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